Raising a Mets Fan
Thomas Jefferson survives.
The 2018 Mets season didn’t.
Happy Fourth of July
Yesterday, equipped with his Spider-Man hat and Todd Frazier shirsey, my son played in his first ever t-ball game.
I guess technically it was “scrimmage” at the end of his t-ball camp, but to me, it was his first game, especially when the camp was split into two teams.
Well, top of the first, my speedy lead-off hitter began his baseball career hitting a leadoff homer:
Like many who was born in the 80s, I had a fanny pack. For seasons unbeknownst to us all, it became a thing, and when it soon became a feature of grannies wearing it around their waist to handle their medications or to keep their coins as they pumped money into slot machines, we all realized the horrible mistake we made.
It was at that point, we knew the fanny, soon to be dubbed granny pack, was not cool. It never was.
Fortunately, for nearly two decades, we have all hidden the embarrassing photos, and we have all agreed the fanny pack and the Zubaz or parachute pants which were under them, never happened.
Well, leave it to a Mets team that consistently tries to find new lows to bring them back and inflict the fanny pack on a group of unsuspecting children on a Family Sunday.
I guess, in a larger world view, it should be a teaching point for all of us parents. By having our children become Mets fans, we are really only exposing them to further humiliation, and just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do.
Alright, you screwed up. Despite having 364 days of the year to go out there and get your wife something special to show her just how much you and your children appreciate her, you failed to get that one special thing.
That’s fine. You’re a man, and you have experience rushing for these last minute gifts. You know where to get flowers. You can make a reservation at your wife’s favorite restaurant. You know how to handle this. What you may not know to do is some type of craft or something with the kids to make it look you had this all planned and not just you scrambling.
For starters, don’t do breakfast in bed. Just don’t. This is going to create a mess in the kitchen, and it is going to make a mess of the bedroom. The last thing you want to do is spend the rest of Mother’s Day cleaning a kitchen and washing sheets.
Instead, get the kids together and do an easy craft. Really, all you need is a piece of paper, pencil, and a marker.
What you want to do is put your kid’s hands on the piece of paper, and get them to use their pointer fingers, middle fingers, and thumbs to create a heart shape.
You then trace it in pencil, and you go back over it in marker. If your kids can write them names on it, all the better (except if they are too old that this is no longer cute).
If you want bonus points, scan the piece of paper to your computer, save it to Shutterfly/Snapfish, get hit printed out at your local Walgreens or Walmart, and grab a frame from Michaels. At a minimum, this will look like you spent the time and effort to do something special.
More than that, you know you want to do something special for your wife on Mother’s Day. She is great and deserves it. Give her something special to cherish the moment, and then go out and get the flowers, make the reservations, and get that small gift you know she has had her eye on for a while.
There are many spots people congregate to take pictures of either themselves or the group: the Shea Bridge, down by the railing of their section using the field as a backdrop, or behind center field with Mr. Met.
Each of these spots has an issue. You wait in line for Mr. Met. There’s a ton of traffic on the Shea Bridge. You have to fight other people and the ushers to get a picture towards the railing of the section.
This pretty much means if you want to take a picture inside Citi Field, you’re dealing with a hassle. That is unless you are taking your picture with the M&Ms:
As you may be able to tell, this is right before the Shea Bridge, and even with the amount of foot traffic in the area, this side section is largely undisturbed.
This allows you to set up a fun picture without waiting or much of a hassle. That is unless this now catches on . . . .
The other night, my infant son woke up early while I was doing work on the computer. Since I couldn’t put him back down, I offered to let him share his thoughts on the Mets. This is what he had to say about the team:
\’=== NM HHGBV V C VC f b ZZZZZNJASsssssssssssssf8gti8888888888888888888888888888888r77AWEDXTX7777777777777777777776CCC7UXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCU677UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHJJUUUU821777777777777777B111212NMND sdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddx;lerdtloKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKM ZZN
I’m sure many of you will hilariously say this is nothing different than what I already write or that it’s even better than my Mets analysis.
Last night was one of those nights. You were forever going to tell people where you were. For me, I was sitting on my couch with a cranky baby and four year old. Why were they so cranky?
Well, because I’m me, an avid sports fan and idiot, I woke them up to watch the final few minutes of the Virginia-UMBC game. History was being made, and I wanted them to see something that never happened before – a 16 beating a 1. The final score was as startling as the upset itself with UMBC winning 74-54.
As an aside, Ralph Sampson and his UVA teammates can rest assured they are no longer the Cavalier team who is mentioned as the biggest upset of all time in college basketball. No, that 1982 loss by number one ranked Viriginia to Division III Chaminade will fall by the wayside – even if that was the much bigger upset.
But I digress.
Last night was one of those great moments in sports history, and you didn’t want to miss it. I know I didn’t want my boys to miss it.
It’s not too dissimilar when I woke up my oldest to watch the end of Game 7 of the 2016 World Series. What’s funny about that game was instead of tuning in for the ninth, he was tuned into all the hysteria which included a miracle game tying three run homer by Rajai Davis off Aroldis Chapman, a rain delay, and Ben Zobrist‘s game and World Series RBI double.
For the first time in 108 years, the Cubs won the World Series. My son was watching it much like he was last night when a 16 seed beat a 1 seed for the first time in 136 tries (34 years).
It once again shows that the impossible can happen in sports. As a proud parent, it’s just proof positive that everything has been amazing since my son was born.
Speaking of amazing, the one thing he hasn’t seen is the Mets win the World Series.
Who knows? With Mickey Callaway at the helm, maybe things will be different. Maybe Michael Conforto being ahead of schedule is a good thing instead of the typical Mets unnecessarily pushing an injured player to play (see Beltran, Carlos).
Maybe, just maybe that’ll be the case instead of this being the typical Mets. After all, the Cubs have won the World Series and a 16 has beat a 1.
This could be the Mets years. Probably not.
In honor of Dr. Seuss’ birthday, this Mets story has been adapted from “Ten Apples Up On Top!”
One apple pops on up!
Two apples pop on up!
I can do it, also.
Plawecki can hit three!
Three . . .
Three . . .
He can do three
but d’Arnaud can do more.
Kevin has three
but TdA has four.
Look! Watch! Now!
Amed can bop
watch four homers
put the Mets on top.
Amed can bop
he’s swinging free
with four long
homers you can’t see.
Look here, you four.
Watch here, you four.
Wilmer can get five
Who hits more?
Bruce is so good
He will not stop
Now seven apples pop on up!
pop on up!
No pitcher can stop.
Five, six, seven!
Home Run, Home Run, Home Run!
Seven, six, five
four, three, two, one!
Frazier is as good as Bruuuce.
Wow! He has also let seven loose.
And Yo!, Cespedes!.
Eight! Eight pop up!
Eight apples up!
No ball will drop.
Trotting to home plate.
A bat flip and slow trot
to home plate.
But Wright can do nine.
in a blink!
No other team can do this,
Yo hits! Bruce hits!
Wright hits one too.
It’s outta here!
For the orange and blue!
The Mets are so good,
Pitcher’s on the brink.
With nine, he’s gone
and he needs a drink.
Nine is very good.
But then . . .
Conforto will make it ten!
The Mets Home Run Apple
will not drop!
It’s not going to drop.
The Mets hit another
Get out. Get out. You!
It’s a curtain call!
Home Run! Home Run!
Another long ball
The Mets will not let
that apple fall!
Another on the way!
The Mets will not stop.
They will not let
the Home Run Apple drop.
The pitcher doesn’t feel good.
What can he do?
When apples start popping
for the orange and blue.
The Mets will hit them
once they see them.
Home run! We can not
stop watching them.
It has a chance!
No pitcher can stop
Mets apple fun.
That apple will not drop.
Here’s another one!
Another one! Another one!
Another one! Home runs all!
That Home Run apple will not fall.
They cannot get
that apple down.
Home runs! Home runs!
Flying out of town!
Apples pop on up!
What an incredible
No pitcher can
make Mets fun stop!
Our Home Run Apple
is never going to drop.
Another curtain call!
When Mets fans watch
those homers go over the wall.
That was awesome, and for some reason, I think this will be one of those “Where were you moments?”
Thanks to my youngest being a month old, I was up with him with that epic five point eighth end which all but assured the Gold.
And I was up at 4:08 A.M. when the US won their first Olympic Gold in curling!
Recent reports indicate McDonalds is making efforts to make their Happy Meals healthier by eliminating both cheeseburgers and chocolate milk as menu options. In reaching this decision, McDonalds said it will “reinforce responsible marketing to children.” (CNN Money).
In a ridiculous move, the American Heart Association championed the move and encouraged other fast food restaurants to follow McDonalds lead.
Upon reading all of this, my first reaction was, “Do they all realize this is McDonalds we are talking about?”
My next reaction was all of this hullabaloo over a piece of cheese?
If you go to McDonalds’ Nutritional Page, you will see the slice of cheese adds 50 calories and three grams of fat. Conversely, it also reduces the amount of Vitamin A and calcium in the meal.
Now, the cheeseburger does have 100 more calories than the McNuggets but just one fewer gram of fat. By the way, McNuggets are an absolute zero nutritionally as they have no Vitamin A or calcium and just two grams a piece of Vitamin C and iron. Those McNuggets may not be made of pink slime, but given their lack of anything of nutritional value, it is hard to imagine they are made out of anything resembling chicken.
By the way, that is the nutritional information before you consider using a sugar laced dipping sauce. Seeing the combination of the two, it makes you question what the hysteria is over a slice of cheese.
The disparity between the chocolate milk and the juice box leads to the same shrug as to why you are making an issue over fewer calories and nutrients.
More to the point, this is a Happy Meal. No parent is under any delusions this is remotely healthy. That is the case even with the apple slices that never brown or the yogurt which is really nothing more than creamed sugar with a slightly sour taste to it. Seriously, have you ever seen an apple not brown? Why would anything think it’s healthy?
Overall, McDonalds is supposed to be nothing more than an occasional treat and not the basis of a daily diet. We all know this. That includes McDonalds and the American Heart Association who are all grandstanding on a slice of cheese.
It’s idiotic, and it’s a falsehood.
Really, if you are that concerned over a slice of cheese or chocolate milk, you would not be going to McDonalds in the first place.