As the strikeouts rained down upon the Mets’ outfielders, Sandy Alderson knew there had to be another way. A new Met would be born, “a Cespedes for the rest of us!”

Here’s everything you need to know about Cespedes:

CESPEDES POLE

First, there’s a bat. For Cespedes, we use maple bats. Aluminum bats are too distracting. Just make sure the bat has a very high strength to weight ratio. 

THE THROWING OUT OF BASERUNNERS

Yoenis has a lot of problems with baserunners trying to take the extra base, and they’re going to hear about it:

After Yoenis is done with them, these baserunners “couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if they had a hot date with a babe.”  And now as Cespedes “rolls on, we have the Feats of Strength.”  

THE FEATS OF STRENGTH

“Let’s rumble!”

If all comes according to plan, come October, Mets’ fans will see a CESPEDES MIRACLE!