You’re a reviled one, Mr. Cohen
You made Correa a steal,
You’re moves stings like a cactus, you got him even with McNeil, Mr. Cohen,
You’re a bad banana with an incredible infield

You’ve got Verlander, Mr. Cohen,
You filled the deGrom sized hole,
Your pocket is full of dollars, you have Gotham in your soul, Mr. Cohen,
I couldn’t touch your pitching with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Cohen,
You have Nimmo and his smile,
You have all Alonso’s sweetness of a swing hitting it a mile, Mr. Cohen,
Given a choice between the two of you’d call in sick for a while!

You’re a rotter, Mr. Cohen,
You’re the king of concession spots,
Your ballparks got helmet nachos with Mr. Softee instead of those lame Dippin’ Dots, Mr. Cohen,
You’re a three decker sauerkraut hotdog and double burger with extra Shack sauce!

You nauseate me, Mr. Cohen,
With a payroll super cost!,
You’re Scherzer is joined by a Koudai, and you sold McCann at a loss, Mr. Cohen,
Your opponents are left as an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most intimidating
assortment of pitches imaginable putting batters in tangled up knots!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Cohen,
You’re Omar catches pitches that sunk,
Your Edwin had us soil our jocks, your Quintana puts us in a funk, Mr. Cohen,
The three words that best describe the NL East opponents follows, and I quote,
“Stink, stank, stunk”!

EDITORS NOTE: Adapted from “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”