MLB is doing this new thing when a notable player joins a new team, they have them fill out a questionnaire so the fans get to know them better. For example, did you know Neil Walker‘s favorite baseball movie is Field of Dreams?  Well, I’m sure he will now replace Daniel Murphy as a fan favorite. 

I’m joking of course. I think it’s a good idea. For some people, getting to know a player makes you more emotionally invested. That’s a good thing. Speaking of Murphy and new teams, here’s his answers to the Nationals questionnaire:

  
He’s right, there is so much poop. Infants are popping machines. Luckily, when they’re infants it doesn’t smell so bad do you can keep it in your Diaper Dekor. For the uninitiated, the Diaper Dekor is a device designed to let you keep your child’s poop sitting in the house until either: (1) the bag fills up; or (2) it starts to smell. By the way, you’re exhausted when you have an infant. You will be willing to push those boundaries especially when the diaper changes are so frequent. 

The worst poops are the first ones. The meconium poops. It’s this thick tar like bowel movement that gets on and sticks to everything. It doesn’t smell. It just gets onto everything just sticking to it and staining it. It lasts much shorter than you believe it does, but it does create havoc. 

It reminds me of when I first gave my son a bath when we brought him home. By the way, the Blooming Bath is awesome. Anyway, I very carefully have my son a bath. I was more careful than a leper in a soup kitchen (his name is Stew by the way). I handled my son like he was nitroglycerine, and I was walking through a minefield on crutches. You get the picture. I was so proud of myself. When you’re a first time parent, everything is an accomplishment. Even your own ability to wake up in the morning and function like a member of society. 

I turned around and started heading to the changer with my son, and then I got my reward. Meconium all over my favorite Gary Carter t-shirt. I tell you this younger generation doesn’t respect the greats in baseball history. 

Anyway, I just remembered standing there with this poop dripping down my shirt. I was trying to hold my son, while supporting his neck and allowing him to continue to pool all over me. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was trying to angle his butt away from me so he didn’t continues to poop on me and so I wouldn’t have to redo the bath. When he was done, I knew I couldn’t go from tile to carpet. I was somewhat delirious from the lack of sleep, but I knew that much. So, I did then what every strong man does when he’s in a situation he can’t solve. 

I called out to my wife, “Help!  I don’t know what to do!” She came over and did what all supportive wives do. She laughed at me. She then cleaned up the mess. For the rest of the night, she mocked me for it. It was a story she told everyone when they came to see the baby. I was the butt of the joke. Get it?  

In any event, I remembered using Dreft for only God knows how many cycles before finally getting the stain out. Trust me, at some point everything you own will be covered in poop. You can’t buy a new wardrobe. Stop judging me. In any event, that’s what came to mind when I saw Murphy’s answers to the questionnaire. 

Just “so much poop.”

Editor’s Note: the products referenced were not paid advertisements. They were products we actually used.