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Every Reason Why Paw Patrol Is Terrible

Paw Patrol is the worst, and I mean the absolute worst, children’s show I have been subjected to by my son.  Having watched it over and over again, the show gets worse and worse.  Then I noticed some serious issues with the show.  They mostly surround Ryder.

For those uninitiated, Paw Patrol, is a show where a boy named Ryder leads a bunch of pups to solve the problems that arise in Adventure Bay.  The issues usually arise over something wrong with Mayor Goodway, who is the most incompetent cartoon mayor this side of Diamond Joe Quimby, or Cap’n Turbot, who is a sea captain that I’m surprised hasn’t drowned while taking a bath.

Whenever an issue arises, these adults contact a young boy named, Ryder.  Yup, a person who is supposed to be in charge of an entire city has to contact a little boy to help her solve her problems.  Those problems usually involve her pet chicken because what other issue would the mayor have than handling her pet chicken?

Ryder accepts the call on his pup-pad, says he will offer assistance, and offers the reassuring motto of “No job is too big, no pup is too small.”  Ryder, then using the same pup pad summons his pups.  The pups receive the alert straight through their collar, which presumably means Ryder equips each of his pups with a shock collar so they can be summoned at his will.

The pups then run to this tower called the Lookout.  Somehow, someway midway up the elevator to the top of the Lookout, the pups are zapped into clothing with their preordained jobs from Ryder.  Mind you, this counts the second time the pups are zapped.

Once there, the pups have to go through Ryder’s artist rendition of the current situation.  Keep in mind, there is an emergency, but Ryder thought there was time for him to make a fun little cartoon first to show everyone before they go and solve the problem.  Ryder then selects two or sometimes three pups to join him.  The rest just sit there until everyone returns.

There is so much wrong here.  First, this boy has the technology to build a technologically superior tower that would make Elon Musk blush, and he has the ability to not only communicate with dogs, but the ability to have them bend to his will.  Do we seriously believe he does not have the capability to summoning the exact number of pups he needs?  Does he not do that because he’s too busy with his arts and crafts project?  Or perhaps, this is a just the work of a twisted little boy, who fits pups with shock collars, who loves having these pups bend to his every will and demand.

His team of pups is as follows:

  • Chase – a police pup who mostly is there to throw a net to catch someone when Ryder’s instructions go horribly wrong
  • Marshall – a clumsy fire dog who really is mostly there to provide a ladder
  • Rubble – a construction dog who pushes stuff around with a bulldozer
  • Rocky – a recycling pup who in reality is just a few years away from being on one of those hoarding reality shows
  • Skye – the lone female who flies in the sky and really does most of the work
  • Zuma – a water rescue dog, whatever that means, who is basically told to get deep sea diving to fetch something underwater

Oh, on top of that there are two other dogs named Everest and Tracker.  It is not of much importance that they don’t belong to Ryder.  What really matters is that for some reason, Ryder gets to fit them with a shock collar as well so he can summon them too at his beck and call.  Considering how he abuses these dogs, I’m almost afraid to ask where Ryder’s parents are or what happened to them.  Although part of me does wonder if he made them “yelp for help.”

Anyway once Ryder chooses the pups that get to come with him, they got down a slide into their dog house which turns into the corresponding vehicle.  Basically, these dog houses are a rip-off of Transformers.

Now, for the bigger jobs, Ryder will use more dogs, but that means he’s going to have to take them all in his not so cleverly named Paw Patroller.  Everything is able to fit in there, and it is driven by his robotic dog.  That’s right, in addition to building a state of the art tower, and vehicles, Ryder has built a mechanical dog capable of driving something larger than a semi.

And all of this is basically to save a chicken getting stuck on a roof, or repairing something using the garbage Rocky found on the side of the road.

If this child is really the genius the show purports him to be, why is he using his talents in this manner?  Shouldn’t he be off making inventions for the betterment of man kind?  A person this brilliant should be discovering how to cure cancer or how to end world hunger.  No, he decides to become the de facto lord of Adventure Bay.

In the process, he has completely eliminated the need for Adventure Bay to have a police force, fire department, construction workers, or any other of a series of union jobs.  Ryder has used his technology to force people out of jobs and presumably move out of an expensive area like Adventure Bay.  It’s of little doubt why there’s only like 10 people left who live in the entire town.  Presumably, most moved away due to jobs or to escape this unpredictable sociopath.  Seriously, why else wouldn’t people want to live in a town that is clean, has terrific weather, and has talking dogs?

So, in the end, Paw Patrol is a show about a disturbed little boy who intimidates both man and animals alike.  At its core, this is a very dark and disturbing show that no one should be subjected to.

One thought on “Every Reason Why Paw Patrol Is Terrible”

  1. Jamie no Ed no Jalen no I'm you says:

    My insults are unoriginal.

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